Curve Balls

Sometimes one must make a hard choice, even though in one's heart one wonders how fair this choice is to other people in one's life.  In December 2010, I left the Midwest never to return again (or so I thought).  I left my ailing mother with a good insurance plan, and her paintings catalogued (for she is a fine artist).  She was frail but fiesty.  We had Christmas dinner together.  Mom told me, "Your mission is to pass the California bar exam.  This will be the last time that you take it.  Until July 2011, work hard, save as much money as you can, and then hunker down, study, and apply yourself.  You are so close, and I know how hard you've worked to become an attorney."

I turned my little car West, and headed cross-country, and I tried not to look back.  In March, I was called home to care for my mother after she returned from an emergency visit at the hospital.  After she was settled in, and I had hired private caregivers, I returned to California.  Everyday since then, I spent numerous hours coordinating with caregivers, instructing the insurance company, facilitating bill payment, ordering medical tests.  A family friend pledged to take care of Mom until the July 2011 exam was done.  And, I pledged to return to the Midwest to care for my mother after the exam was complete.

My mother was a brilliant artist, full of life, and loved by many people.  She was driven by her passions and goals.  Mom understood and supported me, even though I was doing this last push for me.

My mother died on Monday of cardiac arrest.  She asked the caregivers to leave.  She quietly laid her last will and testament on the living room sofa, and she lay down to sleep.  She never awakened.

Today I am sitting in California, having coordinated my mothers interment this Friday, and her memorial service in June, like a grand strategist moving the pieces according to my mother's last wishes.

I returned to the Golden State (whose sheen has worn off) on a mission.  And I hear my mother whispering to me, "Don't give up.  I am at home, free of pain, and at peace.  Move forward. Take and pass the California bar exam this time.  Do this for me."