Sunday, May 31, 2009

Road Less Traveled

Today, I traveled to Point Reyes for the simple pleasure of a long walk. I am also walking to rebuild my health which suffered greatly in my push to prepare for the bar exam. Reflecting back, I wonder if the exam is worth such knashing of teeth or emotional highs and lows or bouts of insomnia. Placing the exam in perspective, albeit a difficult exam, it is simply a hurdle placed in the path of a J.D. who wants to be an attorney. But, again, it is only a hurdle...

Today, I entered the woods in silence. Alone, but not alone for there were some other hikers...It was cool, slightly damp and foggy, but beautiful all the same...

I saw my first California fox. He slipped across my pathway; I glimpsed his tail in my perhipheral vision and I followed him. He stopped in an open field and eyed me. We were both quiet; we watched each other. And, then, he, just as quietly, slipped back into the woods. I felt privileged to have this quiet communication with the fox.

And, then I thought about my life and what brought me to where I am today. It took five long years of evening school to obtain my J.D. - my degree was hard won. My corporation was unappreciative of my educational pursuits. For the first time, my job did not dominate my life.

Today, I have my J.D. and I am saddled with debt. My wage is a fraction of what it was when in my business career. Was it worth it? Should I stop and go back to that same road that I traveled before?

And, then the answer came to me. I had come to a path in the road. One path pointed to upper management in the business world, a world that I know and that I am comfortable in. The other path pointed to a world where I would make far less money but have more meaning in my life. Perhaps this is a naive view of an attorney's job but since leaving my corporate career almost one year ago, I have been involved in supporting an attorney with family law, real estate and personal injury cases, and I have seen the impact that a good attorney can make on his/her clients lives, helping them to resolve issues that they, themselves, are ill equipped to do.

Taking the road less traveled, mid-life, has been extraordinarily difficult. However, I'm looking forward to overcoming this arbitrary hurdle to become a counselor at law because, for the first time in my life, I know that this is what I am meant to do. And, that will make all the difference...

Road Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost


A,B,C,D,E...

To date, there are 31 respondents to the Bar Exam Survey and 11 respondents to the MBE survey. As soon as each survey reaches 35 respondents, I'll summarize and release the collective responses. I think that the results will be interesting, having quickly scanned the results to date. n=35 is the lowest recommended sample size...so keep those responses coming!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

A,B,C,D,E...Which One is the Magical Answer?



Having taken PMBR to prepare for the Feb. 2009 California bar examination, when testing day came, I remember sitting down, organizing my sharpened pencils, pulling out the scantron sheet and opening the answer book. To me, the questions looked hard. I was slow to answer the first question; it seemed that my brain just could not gather speed. And, I thought, "I can't do this. I want to leave this exam, just get up, walk out and leave." But, then I answered these thoughts with, "You've spent time preparing for this exam. You know MBE's are not your strong suit, but, plow ahead. Do your absolute best!" So, I did some yogic breathing, pushed these thoughts away, and forged ahead.

When PMBR sent a survey to me about the exam shortly afterwards, I said that there were a number of questions on anti-deficiency law and mortgages, encumbrances on real property, and questions about wills and property not covered in their review course.

When I received my scores, I did as well as I expected. At least, I did not underperform against my own expectations. Now, when people ask me, "What are you doing for your summer vacation?," I'll reply, "Spending my early mornings with MBE's."

"Huh?"

"Long story, dude!"

But, now I need some guidance (and perhaps you do, too). Which one MBE material would you recommend? Please take this brief survey to help me and other repeaters and first-timers, choose their MBE material.

Click Here to take survey

Results from this survey will be published on this blog as soon as 35 or more people have responded to this survey.

And, if you haven't taken my survey about your bar exam experience as a whole (see right sidebar to this blog), please participate. I'd like to have 100 respondents prior to analyzing and publishing the results.

Your answers are confidential; you are not asked for identification. Your collective responses will be summarized and published on this blog.

P.S. Check out the "California Exam Repeater's Blog" for links to MBE materials.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Volunteering and Reduction of Student Debt

I have been following various actions taken by Obama as it relates to volunteering and student loans. A portion of one's student loan can either be deferred or forgiven in exchange for volunteering in 2009 funded AmeriCorps programs and in volunteering for the Peace Corps. There is no volunteer opportunity with the Peace Corps which specifically leverages legal training and the application process is long and arduous, taking about 13 months from start to finish. However, there is an ability to apply for legal related positions through AmeriCorps and the Equal Justice Society, although these positions are limited. Many of these positions require the candidate to have taken the bar examination in the state where the AmeriCorps position is offered but do not, necessarily, require a license. To "google" it, type "AmeriCorps" and "Legal."

In addition, the Equal Justice Society offers various podcasts about managing student loan debt which are featured under the links at this sidebar entitled with the same name.

For those of you who have taken the survey (see upper right side bar), thank you. We are slowly inching up toward 100 respondents and survey results will be summarized on this blog. This is not a marketing effort, but an effort to learn about the exam repeater and non-repeater population, and provide feedback. I am simply a "repeater" trying to glean insights from our collective experience and am affiliated with no bar review course or private tutor. I hope, one day, to be a licensed attorney, just like you. I'll study hard and learn from my mistakes and hope to "knock it out of the park" on the next bar exam that I take. I hope that you do, too!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Holy Grail?

I am increasingly convinced that a new service needs to be developed in which bar exam takers both RATE and REVIEW bar courses and bar tutors.

First, why do I feel this way? Bar review courses and tutors alike participate in a significant revenue making enterprise. How much $ do they make? If this is not currently quantified by another source, perhaps I can develop an estimate of the market demand (or retain a statistician to do it.) Suffice it to say, the revenue is substantial. If there are 15,000 new bar exam takers in California per year at an estimated average cost of $3,000, that’s $45 Million dollars! If one were to estimate that of the 15,000, about 1/3rd are repeat takers, and assuming that repeat takers do not use a bar review course or tutor, the lower figure is a little over $30 Million.

It seems to me that anyone who has passed the bar exam can hang out a shingle and hawk their services (or books). Bar exam takers hungry to pass the exam, and afraid of the experience (especially repeat takers), will flock to those who promise, “I can help you pass this exam.” However, I have seen few statistics from bar review courses or tutors to back up these promises.

In my quest to find a private tutor, I have been collecting references but collecting these references is hard to do. The tutor will likely provide a reference of those students who have passed the exam but what about those who did not? This is a self-selecting sample, and highly biased. Furthermore, in examining various blogs, bloggers are “shouting out” the names of review companies and tutors in an effort to solicit feedback since there is NO SINGLE SOURCE where exam takers can go to in an effort to learn how “good” the course or tutor really is. One private tutor was vilified by one exam taker, and elevated to “invaluable” by another. This contradictory set of evaluations, however, was sufficient for me to “proceed with caution” as it relates to this particular tutor. Of course, a course or a tutor may receive “bad marks” from people who failed the exam.

In addition, courses or tutors may only take repeaters who came within “inches” of failing the exam and not within “miles.” Again, this is a self-selecting approach to increasing their repeater success rate at passing the bar exam.

For that matter, there is a secondary market for bar exam takers which includes books, lectures, flash cards, and more. While reviews on Amazon.com might be helpful, they are not statistically viable or collected via rigorous market research methodology – these reviews, too, are like the comments offered on blogs. They are interesting, and helpful, but not statistically viable.

Thus, in developing such a rating/review service, one must use traditional market research techniques and random sampling. Since market research was my business for many years, I am well versed in these techniques and given the typical research criteria and “field testing,” I know (not think) that a service can be developed which can judiciously rate/review bar review courses and tutors alike and provide bar exam takers with an independent source of information that can help guide them in selecting the course or tutor that might work best for them. Of course, the individual test taker should still do some research on their own after reviewing the collective reviews and ratings and select a course or tutor that plays to their individual strengths and weaknesses.

Now, to develop a review service, there is more research to be done. I will, therefore, develop a series of small surveys to test the waters and then determine if I have sufficient time and resources to proceed…

In the interim, I invite your comments and concerns, for good or for naught, and look forward to publishing the results of my first, albeit, simple survey with a non-random sample. I’m waiting until there are 100 responses; the response rate is inching forward toward that number and I am already beginning to see a pattern or two. . .For those of you who have responded, thank you!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Being in the Moment



I am learning that "blogging" is addicting. It has been at some of the most difficult moments of my life that I have felt the need to write; it seems to ease the pain. Life, since May 15, 2009, at least for a few days, seemed surreal. I can't be a "lawyer," as Robert Hawley states in the YouTube video below, and yet, being a paralegal is difficult, too. "No J.D.'s apply." It takes the open-mindedness of a hiring manager to look past my degree(s) and experience to take a chance at accepting me into their organization.

Aside from writing, I also take solace in nature. Thus, yesterday, and in an effort to regain my health, I have been hiking. I hiked 5 miles at Pt. Reyes. Alone. Thinking, sometimes, about mountain lions. And seeing examples of survival in nature...a tree, felled by some force of nature, arching up through to the sky in a giant u-shape, with tiny ferns lacing its trunk, and leaves at top pushing and competing with other trees to glimpse the sun.

I came to an opening in the forest, and sat beneath a giant pine tree. There were few hikers; the air, heavy with fog, was silent UNTIL a hawk swooped above me - I heard the air whooshing beneath his wings -- and landed in MY tree. I gazed overhead at his giant wings and he gazed down at me until some hikers, laughing, rounded the corner and this moment between the hawk and I was broken.

Perhaps, I should have spent some time in nature to put my studies into perspective instead of letting the process consume me so that even my dreams were punctuated with the black letter law. I feared not knowing it all, or not doing enough until my bar studies actually became obsessive. This obsessiveness was not helpful; it lead to my defeat at the bar. Now, I think that I will continue to spend a day in nature and make it a priority as I make my path forward.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Learning How to Score

I am obsessed with numbers. The California Bar Exam is a numbers game.

To increase my exam score, I have a quest to know how the bar exam scores are actually calculated. Knowing this process is something that was sorely lacking in my bar review course. Although we had a "sense" of the scoring process, I wanted to know EXACTLY how the numbers worked. I thought (and still think) that if I knew the numbers, I could work to improve my weakest points (MBE) and increase points in my stronger areas (essays). While my strategy was good, my performance in both areas needs improvement.

In my quest to win this game, I developed a bar exam scoring calculator and saved the MBE scaled scores as a PDF file that can both be shared via e-mail. The exam calculator is based on Feb. 2009 scaling. I suspect, without knowing, that the Feb. 2009 scaling is less lenient than the July bar exams, so please use this calculator judiciously.

Me? I like to shoot for numbers. (I wasn't too good a "shot" at my first exam, having undershot the mark, but that doesn't mean that I won't keep trying!)

See "Interesting Links" -- "Winning combinations of bar exam scores."

My summer "vacation" plans: I'll be spending the summer preparing for the Feb. 2010 bar exam by working only on increasing my MBE performance. In September 2009, I will begin a long-term program toward a more holistic exam preparation strategy. The only question is, how am I going to afford a private tutor?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Tough Love

In my search to develop a new plan to study for the bar exam, I interviewed (or shall I say that I was interviewed by?) a private tutor. "Get over the grief!," she said. And added, "clearly you don't know the substantive law" an "insight" which shows her broad-stroke diagnosis which I could get from the commentary on various bar exam blogs. If her tough love did anything, it mad me angry, which may have been her intent. And, anger is better than depression, I'll give her that. But, I'm not interested in a drill sargent who then adds, "I have an L.D. and I did the exam without accomodations!" Bully for you! I didn't know that we were in a pissing match.

I also met with an academic from my ABA school. This love was not soft, not tough, but somewhere in between. "We've got some work to do...we just have to learn to reset your thinking about the exam. The bar graders are simply seeking common sense analysis of the facts. So, if you don't know or remember a rule, don't avoid the issue. Write a rule and develop an analysis around it." This advice was echoed in one of the bar grader interviews (see Interesting Links on my sidebar.) Well, THIS is something that I can do! Now, instead of being daunted by repeating the exam, I am actually EXCITED!

But I was also amazed by one story this academic told me. He said that one of the students was so despondent at failing the exam that his family and friends are highly concerned about him. This man said to me, "You have your life experiences going for you. You can put your failing this exam into perspective but some of the younger bar takers have never failed before." Yes, I have read some of the blogs and some of the exam takers threats of suicide. Failing the bar exam is not something to lose one's life over; it's a challenge, albeit a daunting challenge. But, as my Mom says, "If the horse throws you, get back in that saddle again and ride!" Mom is a veteran horsewoman, beginning with her old Mustang "King" who liked "Orange Crush" and galloping across the fields.

Or as my Dad, now deceased, would probably say, "Daughter, you are intelligent. No, you are brillant. There's no reason that you can't do this. I support you 100% of the way."

P.S. I got the legal marketing position!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Measuring Up

Since discovering that I did not "measure up" to the requirements of the bar examiners, I have been doing much reflecting. While bar passers probably receive lots of accolades, those who do not pass the bar exam seem to be met with "dead silence." While there are a few people who may send a "condolence" message, generally, there is a "deafening silence" (an oxymoron if there ever was one!) This leads me to the point of my thoughts today; repeaters don't speak about failing the exam because they are ashamed OR because they feel like failures OR because they are worried about job implications if they are currently employed with a firm.

But, this silence is not good. When 66% of the people failed the exam in February 2009, what resources do they look to to discover a way forward toward passing the bar without TALKING about it? Of course, there are LOTS of bar review courses that advertise that THEY are the clear answer for a repeater, but these firms have a vested interest in making revenue. These firms may or may not be THE ANSWER for the repeater.

Were it not for these blogs, especially "Measuring Life" and also the Grand Poobah's blog, both of which I am following, I would take little comfort in this isolating silence.

Perhaps if there was not a cloque of shame around failing the exam, more people who pass on their second try?

As to my meditation, I've decided to take the Feb. 2010 bar. This is counter the advice of most blogs and many review courses, however, I need to focus on living life for a change. Moreover, as a contract paralegal, I am currently doing the work beyond that of an Associate in a larger firm. In supporting a sole practitioner, I am truly apprenticing in the law and not only learning how to serve notice, file motions with the court, and summarize case files, but I am writing respondent's briefs in appellate court, propounding discovery, writing winning motions, and participating in bench/bar settlement conferences. This is great training for the actual exam (it served me well in the performance test) and it reinforces my desire to be an attorney, some day, just not right now.

I do know that I want to build on my work in which I learned the law for the exam, and spend time: 1) increasing my MBE performance, 2) writing killer essays, and 3) continually memorizing black letter law until I can recite the rules in my sleep!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Make Your Experience Known

I used my market research skills to develop an initial survey about YOUR collective exam experiences. See the right side of my blog to TAKE MY SURVEY NOW (click on the link below.) Once I have 100 responses, I'll publish the results on this blog.

Must Be Marathoner

Only a person who has taken the California Bar examination really understands how greuling the examination is and how much physical stamina taking the exam requires. In my quest to understand my performance, I know that I entered the exam physically and mentally exhausted.

I had sprained my back from too much sitting, studing for the bar exam. I was worried, at exam time, about not being able to sit on a metal chair (even with the pillow allowed), for so many hours. By the luck of the draw, I was able to negotiate a good chair which, although not painless, was a lifesaver in taking the exam.

The first morning of the exam, Examsoft failed to work; I had been provided the wrong instructions. Although I was able to resolve the computer issues, my hands were shaking, heart pounding, and I remember how my mind raced through the first essay; I was panicked about losing time. A little yogic breathing helped restore my sanity, but I was not "on my game."

The following day, family litigation and a vitriolic naysayer entered my mental arena; it took hours to regain my calm. We settled the case the following week, with three attorneys required to enforce a court order. These were deeply emotional issues.

These are all the things that my bar tutor discussed with me last night. A few weeks after the bar exam, sure enough, I sprained my back yet again. My blood pressure escalated and I developed acid reflux from the stress.

"Acch!" you say.

"Too much information!"

But, perhaps these brutally honest thoughts are something to consider as you, yourself, study for the equally brutal California bar examination.

What I have learned:

1. Enter the exam on top of your physical game. Exercise religiously. Eat well.

2. Even if you are prepared, if life events get you off your game, delay the exam. You need to be on top of your mental game.

3. Although I wrote practice essays and discussed them with my tutor, I needed to see my essays edited and graded with brutal honesty. I'm going to subscribe to baressays.com to see, first-hand, what a '50', '60' and '70+' grade looks like.

4. My largest weakness is the MBE. Now, I already know your comments. They range from, "you don't know the black letter law" to "you are not intelligent," neither of which are true. My mind, the mind of an artist, interprets multiple choice questions differently; I used to argue with my undergraduate and graduate professors about the ambiguous wording of their mulitple choice questions. I would win my point. But, MBE's haunted me throughout law school. To my credit, I did score 7 pts higher than my initial practice exams. It will take MY mind months of practice to really learn this game BUT I am committed to do it.

For those folks who have NOT taken the exam, please DON'T advise me to take another state's bar exam. I am where I want to be, at this stage of my life, and I know my life's game-plan. I am also not a 20 something or even a 30 something gal. It has taken years of preparation to be privileged to take the California Bar Exam - the LSAT exam and a J.D. degree. There's no stopping me now!

As to when I will take the exam (July 2009 or February 2010), the jury is still out...but I'll have my final answer by the end of this week. Ommmm...

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Dance Card and Numbers Gal

In addition to doing contract paralegal work, and being a volunteer for a legal aid service, I have also been seeking out other opportunities. This job search involves an element of gutsiness and creativity. Today, I have an interview with a firm that is interested in leveraging my marketing and legal background, albiet via an internship position. However, the big question this week is, do I take the July 2009 bar or defer retaking the exam until next February?

I have been "repackaging" my skill set as a paralegal; the J.D. title is often a deterrant. Law firms believe that they should not invest in developing an employee as a paralegal who really wants to be an attorney. I can understand that logic, however, perhaps if the firm locked the J.D. applicant into a one year contract, both parties would benefit. It is MY perception that law firms should begin to think out of the box given the current market economy.

As to Chinese water torture, I have received my exam scores. There can be no mistake about them. I have developed a bar exam score calculator in MS Excel which reasonably replicates the scaled score; I say reasonably since the examiners have a different scaled score for each MBE raw score. However, a "numbers" gal, I have to know how the scoring works and have been frustrated with my bar review course mentors who seem incapable of demystifying the scoring process. If you, dear reader, would like a copy of my calculator, I can send it with instructions along with the bar examiners scaled MBE scoring sheet. But, I waive all liability!

There's no mystery here, except to know what went wrong with my performance after I had invested so much time and practice into my preparations for the February 2009 bar exam. Hypnosis, anyone? For those negative commentators on the Grand Poobah's blog, I would argue that it is not for lack of intelligence. Some people know how to play the game; I'm not a great game player and never have been. I just need to know how to play THIS game!

I am trying to piece together a go-forwards plan for the long haul ahead while balancing my dwindling financial resources. The State Bar and I shall dance again, but when?

P.S. I was only musing about hypnosis BUT there IS a bar review course that links in a hypnotist (for real!) See "Interesting Links" on the right sidebar of this blog.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Achieving Dreams

This morning, the sun filled my room with a blindingly bright light. I found my cat, Sherlock (who I named for his investigative mind), had pushed the screen door to my bedroom window out onto the balcony. Sherlock was laying on the cool cement floor, preening himself in the sun. Looking out from my balcony, I could see houseboats on the Bay and Sunday morning traffic winding up the highway. Today is a day about dreams and about achievements.

Digging Too Deep?

This past week, I received an e-mail from a friend who attended law school. My friend failed the California bar exam four times, her boyfriend broke up with her, and she is financially destitute due to her investment in school and bar exam preparation. I called her, shortly afterwards, and proposed that we have dinner together, my treat. She said that well wishes, gifts, and information has been coming her way, and that she is amazed by the generosity of her friends and friends of friends.

As to the bar exam, she no longer wants to speak of it, so, when she causually mentioned (out of sheer politeness) that exam results must be available, I just as causually mentioned that I had also failed my first time out. She had no advice except to say that she missed passing by 3 points her second try and that her performance varied. The first exam she "rocked" the MBE's, while the second exam, she excelled on her essay performance.

If I have any observations, they are that she is very intelligent and very analytic. She does not have a superficial view of the law, but her understanding of it is deep. She is detailed oriented. Her deeply analytic nature is similar to mine; reflecting back, perhaps I, too, dug too deep instead of gaining the broad brush strokes of the law.

The bar examiners draw out this process, one drop of information at a time, chinese water torture. Please tell me where I went wrong and what I need to do. I have one, overarching goal - I want to be an attorney!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Brief Moment in Time

I understand, now, why she told me of the lions in Africa. And described the smell of rich, dark coffee brewing in the morning. And how it felt to drink this coffee from a china cup and look out from the veranda on to a land where zebra grazed in the distance and lions waited quietly, watching, while the silver clinked against the porcelain plates and she ate her jellied toast.

She instilled in me, from the time I was a little boy just old enough to imagine, a desire to explore this country yet I never did know why she, herself, had not made her own sojourn to this part of Africa. I knew that she had wanted to. I thought, perhaps, that she preferred her imagination to the reality she might encounter.

Lady in Waiting

It has now been about five hours since I, and repeatedly, input my application and file number into the California Bar exam web site. At first glance, I was sure that the state bar had made a mistake, however, I printed the evidence; it is now sitting nearby, in black and white, and not on some vacuous screen.

I called my bar exam tutor (who was surprised by my 9:00 a.m. call) who said, "Well, sometimes they make mistakes."

"How often?" I asked.

"I can't say how often but it is not uncommon. You should wait until you get your scores through the mail."

Regardless, I think that the probability of error is very, very low. I do not want to hold out a thin thread of hope, a fictitious life-line.

I'd like to know now my scores now - not days from now - so that I can begun to diagnose my areas of strength and weakness and map out my strategy for the next exam. And, while I stared at the words, "applicant's name is not on the pass list," early this morning, I had resolved not to retake the exam and fell, Alice-in-Wonderland like, into a pool of tears. But, then, a new feeling overtook me, one of resolving to win, and not to fail. I think that I should begin by swimming . . .

Balancing Act

I finally screwed up the courage to examine my results and found that my life will continue to hang in the balance. Shall we dance again?

February 2009 California Bar Examination
The information that you have entered does not match with a name on the pass list. This may have occurred because:

1) the applicant was not successful on the examination,
2) the numbers you entered are incorrect,
3) a registration number was entered instead of a file number, or
4) the person did not take the examination.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Turning to the Law

Having been raised by an architect and a fine artist, I grew up dancing near the piano that my father played, a poor imitation of a ballerina. Gangly and uncoordinated, I could, at least, pretend to be a dancer. . .my father took me out to architectural job sites and explained how certain beams took the building load and how skylights were added to let in natural light. As for my mother, every summer we toured art fairs and we babysat her work on display, waiting for juried results, and for that special buyer who respected my mother's work and wanted to add it to his or her collection. We read Shakespere and playacted roles one year -- I was around nine years old. And if I wanted to understand the meaning of a word, my mother would point to the dictionary and say, "Look it up!" While this advice was well intentioned, perhaps my mother forgot that a dictionary meaning referred to other words, many of which I also had to "look up" until an hour had been spent to tease out the meaning of the original word I had questioned. From these beginnings, I wonder why I have turned to the law.